


Where I Belong

by peacenik0



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Banter, Cunnilingus, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s08e17 Empedocles, F/M, Oral Sex, Post-Episode: s08e15 DeadAlive, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 04:21:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16716502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacenik0/pseuds/peacenik0
Summary: MSR/ NC-17/ Not safe for nosey grandmas or creepers standing behind you in the checkout line at Wal-Mart/ Words: 7759Summary: Mulder struggles to find his place in a world that seems to have left him behind.





	Where I Belong

_You float like a feather/In a beautiful world/ And I wish I was special/You're so fuckin' special/ But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo./What the hell am I doing here?/I don't belong here./I don't care if it hurts/ I want to have control/ I want a perfect body/ I want a perfect soul… What the hell am I doing here?/ I don’t belong here. - Radiohead “Creep”_

_\---_

_Mulder’s apartment_

_Hegel Place_

_Day 1 Home_

Mulder was dead and buried, and now he is alive again. But how does a dead man fit back into his own life? When he arrives home from the hospital, his apartment looks the same yet different. It’s yet another reminder of how the world kept spinning while he was away. Even Scully ( the one constant in his life) seems to be moving on, he can see irrefutable evidence of this in her new rounded form. It was a shock to awaken and find her hugely pregnant, with no explanation of how or why. It makes him feel like a stranger in his own life. Like George Bailey in _It’s a Wonderful Life,_ he could read his own obituary, and visit his own grave. How can he be a Mulder in an utterly Mulder-less world?

A nowhere man sitting in his nowhere land.

Mulder can see his body healing on the outside, the scars from his ordeal are fading fast. But on the inside, he can’t help but feel like he is damaged goods. When he looks into the mirror, he can see the pain behind his eyes. It’s a constant reminder of all that he has been through. He feels like a husk of his former self.

Then there are the horrific nightmares and the crippling panic attacks. He knows that he should talk to a professional about it, but he can’t bare the thought. Right now his world seems so strange and confusing. The only person he wants to talk to is Scully, but he doesn’t know how. It’s too painful, too fresh.

Mulder pushes Scully away, as a means to protect her from himself. But then he feels guilty for that too, for needing time to process what he has been through. Scully is trying her hardest to give him what he needs, but he feels her waiting for him with baited breath. Like she has a balloon inside her chest that is about to burst at any minute (whether with joy or bruising pain). 

Mulder is sitting on his worn leather couch when he hears a key scraping in the lock. His chest pounds for a moment, and he reaches for his gun, only to find he doesn’t have a gun anymore. He is relieved when he sees Scully quietly opening the door. Her presence is both welcome and a painful reminder of all that has come before. 

“Oh, I’m glad you’re awake. I was just coming over to check on you.” She goes into his kitchen, and puts a covered glass dish on the counter. Mulder notices how hesitant she is, like he is a rare piece of china that will break in her hands if she is too careless. Another reminder of his ordeal. Mulder longs to just skip this part, and get back to the way things were. “My mom made you a tuna casserole. It’s not very good, but it’ll help you keep your strength up.”

“Is tuna casserole ever very good?” he cracks, trying to lighten the mood. Scully chuckles a bit, and turns the knob to preheat the oven. 

“No, not even my mother’s,” she says dryly. Scully moves around his kitchen almost like it’s her own. But her familiarity is tempered by the awkward feeling of all that is left unsaid between them. 

“What does she think of my reappearance on this earthly realm?”

“Well, I haven’t told her much. She is very happy that you’re alive. But I think by now she knows not to ask too many questions.”

“Ah, it’s probably better that way, I suppose.” He says softly. “Please tell her that I said thank you.”

“I will of course,” she says, attempting the hide the tears in her voice. He feels how expectant she is around him, but also how she holds back because she doesn’t want to overwhelm him. Her uncertainty hangs heavy on her shoulders. Mulder wants to reassure her, but how can he, when he so unsure himself? “I hope you’re hungry.”

He is in this strange state of feeling absolutely ravenous for anything he can get his hands on. And alternately sick to his stomach over the shambles he finds his life in. 

“Yep, and anything is better than hospital food. Even tuna casserole.” Scully chuckles and swats him with a tea towel. Mulder is glad to see that Scully’s smile reaches her eyes this time. She has always been a tough nut to crack, so it always felt like a victory to make her laugh. For a moment, it feels like no time has passed between them. 

While they wait for the oven to heat up, a silence settles between them. It’s not necessarily uncomfortable, but Mulder feels a wealth of emotions bubbling under his scarred skin. At dinner Mulder watches Scully wolf down nearly a third of the casserole in one sitting. 

“What?” she says through a mouthful of tuna and noodles. 

“Nothing, just admiring the gusto with which you are consuming this fine American delicacy,” he smirks.

“Shut up,” she kicks him under the table. A sharp heel connects with his shin.

“Ow,” he winces in pain. “Still as strong as ever, I see.”

“You better believe it,” she says teasingly. “That’ll teach you not to mess with a pregnant woman.”

“Lesson learned,” Mulder rubs his shin. “Although, I am pretty sure I should’ve known that already,” Mulder smirks.

After dinner, Mulder gets up from the table to wash the dishes. Once he fills the sink with hot sudsy water, he plunges his hands into it. The water burns, but he doesn’t yelp in pain. The prickling sensation is a reminder that he is really alive, really breathing.

“Don’t you need any help?” Her words jar him out of his reverie. 

“No, it’s just a few dishes, besides you are pregnant afterall.” 

“Yes, I am pregnant, but I’m not an invalid, Mulder.” 

“I know, but you saved my life,” he says with a smirk. “So I figured I could wash a few dishes.” Scully uses the table as leverage to stand, then she makes her way over to him at the sink.

“Well, I’ve saved your life a lot. So I guess that means you’ll be doing a lot of dishes,” Scully says raising an eyebrow. Mulder turns towards her, she looks radiant. He has a desire to kiss her, but he is still so unsure about where they stand. So he settles on giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek. 

“I don’t mind one bit,” he whispers. Scully beams up at him, and he steps closer to her. Mulder looks down, and sees Scully’s rounded stomach like a barrier between them. While he was gone his entire world changed completely, it's going to take some time to adjust to this new unfamiliar landscape. 

Scully lets out a sigh, as her hands rest on her stomach. Mulder sees her struggle with her emotions, carefully deciding what to say. They have never been good at this part; communicating openly about their hopes and fears. But he knows that if he finds her eyes, he will see the truth. 

“I missed you,” Scully says simply. Somehow Mulder hears seven months of her worrying about the baby, four months of her desperate search for him, and three months of her trying to accept that he was dead.

He reaches out and strokes her hair, drawing his finger softly over her chin. Her lip trembles a little, as he glides his thumb over her cheek. Mulder finds himself unsure of what to do. When he went to Oregon their relationship was still rather new, and definitely undefined. But for a brief moment in time they had been happy, more than happy really. In fact, Mulder had even started to consider what they might do if the X-Files were closed again. Back then, it seemed like it might be a good time to leave the FBI and move on. Maybe even find a little place out in the country where they could settle down. He hadn’t mentioned this to Scully of course, and he’s not even sure if she would want that kind of life with him. 

“Me too,” he whispers. In between his words he tries to tell of his four months aboard an alien ship, his four months of missing her, his three months in a cold grave. 

Mulder thought about Scully every day on the ship, picturing her face as a way to mentally escape. Sometimes he could even hear her soothing voice telling him that he was going to be okay. _Mulder… Mulder... just hold out a little longer, I’m going to find you, I promise._ If he tried hard enough, he could even to feel her healing hands on his body after the torture and the tests. Scully was his happy place, his softness in the cold hard steel of the ship. His bright spot in the unknowable darkness.

Words can never be enough to express the loss and longing they both feel. Mulder can see it in her eyes, and she can see it in his. 

\---

_Mulder’s Apartment_

_Hegel Place_

_2nd Day Home_

Mulder paces around his apartment, feeling like a caged animal. His abductors effectively took his life away from him. How can he ever get it back? Before, Mulder had work to fall back on when the world seemed to be crashing down around his ears. The X-Files were his whole life, his very reason for living. Without the X-Files Mulder feels utterly useless, like a ship without a rudder. When he looks around his space, it reminds him of everything he used to have that doesn’t belong to him anymore. He is suddenly desperate to escape. As if on cue, his phone rings. 

“Mulder, it’s me,” Scully says softly. “I’m just calling to check on you, how are you feeling?’

“Pretty good for a dead man,” he cracks. Mulder hears Scully sigh from the other end of the line. “Anxious to get back to work, any news on that front?”

“You need time to let your body heal after everything that you’ve been through…” Scully pauses and he hears the pain and expectation in her voice. “But, I’ve petitioned Kersh to get you your old position back when you’re ready.” 

“But I’m ready now!” He says emphatically.

“You’re making a remarkable recovery for a man in your position…” Scully trails off. “But, you still need time to adjust.” Mulder reads between her words. Scully thinks that he’s not ready to take the field, but going back to work will help him cope with his ordeal. 

“I can’t just sit here and do nothing while the world is falling apart. I need to get out there and do something!” Mulder pauses, feeling those uncomfortable emotions rising like bile into his esophagus. “After everything that’s been taken away from me...” He clears his throat to plead with her. “Scully, I need to work.” Mulder hears Scully swallow. 

He figures if anyone can understand his plight, it’s her. Afterall, she worked all through her illness a few years ago. He remembers how she didn’t want his sympathy, even when things got especially bad towards the end. There were days when he felt like he was more upset over her cancer than she was. 

“I know, and I am trying, but there’s only so much that I can do.” She says softly. “You know how it is with Kersh.” He knows she is right, Kersh hates him. This whole thing may be a lost cause. 

“Listen, I just can’t be in this apartment now. Can I come over and wait for you at your place?”

“Yes, I left my key in the top drawer of your desk.”

Mulder shuffles around to her key placed neatly next to his old cell phone and badge. When he holds the cold metal in his palm, seven years of memories flood his body. He flashes back to their last night together before he left for Oregon. Mulder thought that Scully’s cancer was back, and that filled him with a dire sense of dread. He remembers how he held onto her for dear life that whole night, feeling responsible for so much suffering in her life. How it was his fault that she didn’t have the kind of life she deserved, with two point two kids and a husband that doesn’t chase after aliens. He remembers being terrified at the prospect of her getting taken again, if she went back to Bellefleur. And he was wrong about that at least. But if either of them was going to be abducted, it was better that it was him. Especially now that he knows about Scully’s baby, he can’t begin to think about what his captors might have done to her. 

“Mulder… Mulder… do you hear me?” she calls to him. Her voice sounds faint, and he has the feeling that he can’t get to her, no matter how hard he tries. 

He doubles over, and the phone drops from his hand. A terrifying image of the abductors cutting the baby out of Scully’s womb as she cries for them to stop invades his mind. Mulder clutches at his throat, he feels like he can’t breath. His body is wracked with shivers, and tears spring to his eyes. He tries his hardest to push the thought from his mind. Then he hears Scully’s desperate voice, bringing him back to reality. 

“Mulder… Mulder…. are you okay?” Scully continues to try and reach him. Finally, Mulder picks up the phone.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he says rubbing the bridge of his nose. There is a part of him that knows he should tell Scully about his panic attacks, but he also feels that he can’t place anymore of his troubles on her shoulders. Hasn’t she already suffered enough? “Took me a minute to find it, but I’ve got your key. See you in a bit.” Mulder quickly hangs up the phone before Scully has the chance to protest.

\---

An hour later, Mulder is feeling much better now that he has changed his surroundings. His panic attack has passed, and he feels much less anxious in Scully’s apartment. He greets her with a kiss on the cheek after she waddles through the door. It’s good to see her.

“How are you feeling?” Scully carefully strokes his cheek with a worried look on her face. Wen she makes her way into the kitchen, he follows her.

“Much better, maybe a little hungry,” he smirks while patting his stomach. Scully seems unwilling the press the issue about his earlier panic attack, and for that he is grateful. Mulder stands besides her as she looks into the fridge. 

“Oooh, leftover cold pizza, that’s the best.” Mulder grabs for the box, but Scully hastily swats him away. 

“No!” Scully holds up a finger, and cocks an eyebrow. He knows better than to mess with her in this state. “You need something that will help your body repair itself.”

“Please don’t say tuna casserole,” he says with a wink.

“No, there wasn’t any left, I finished the last of it for lunch.” This time she winks at him. He watches as she takes out a few leftover containers, and places them in the microwave. “Tonight’s dinner will be steamed chicken, spinach and baked sweet potatoes.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” he pouts. The microwave beeps and Scully sets their plates on the table. Mulder frowns as he takes in the meal. “Spinach,” Mulder mutters under his breath, with a disgusted look on his face. “No really you shouldn’t have, Scully.” 

“Shush,” she raises an eyebrow at him. ”Spinach has lots vitamins and minerals, such as vitamin A, vitamin K, iron, magnesium, calcium, potassium,” Dr. Scully rattles off. In the past, Mulder would sometimes get annoyed when Scully would go off on a tangent. But now, he feels glad that at least something in his life hasn’t changed. Scully is still Scully, and that feels comforting to him. “Plus follate for the baby,” she says patting her stomach. 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t make it taste any better,” Mulder chokes down a mouthful of the leafy green vegetable. “What can a guy do to get a decent cheeseburger around here?” He asks playfully.

“Ha! Very funny.” Scully pinches him, and he recoils in mock pain. “Didn’t your mother ever make you eat your greens?”

“Yes, and I got pretty good at hiding them in my napkin,” He says attempting to chew Scully’s flavorless chicken. Scully can follow a recipe, but she doesn’t possess a lot of talent in the kitchen. “But, I bet you were the kind of kid who always ate your vegetables, am I right?”

“Well, yes… except for brussel sprouts,” she makes a disgusted face. “Those got fed to our dog under the table.”

“Ah, you were such a rebel, Scully.” He winks at her. Scully smiles wide, and Mulder quickly notices a wad of spinach stuck between her front teeth. “You got a little something there,” he says pointing to his mouth. Scully blushes, and wipes her mouth with her napkin. 

“Did I get it?” she asks.

 

“No, let me try,” Mulder says scooting closer to her. He carefully uses the corner of his napkin to remove the offending item. “Ah, there we go, good as new.” Mulder strokes her cheek with his thumb softly. Now that Mulder is close to Scully, he finds himself wanting to linger for a while. Scully places her hand on his cheek, and Mulder leans into her touch. It feels good to be touched this way, with tenderness and care.

“Thank you,” she says softly. Her skin glows, the fondness in her eyes shines through. Mulder feels his affection for her warming him from the inside out. Scully can feel it too, that old spark between them. It’s good to know that some things never change. But Mulder is still unsure of his place in her new life. So he looks away, effectively breaking the moment between them.

“Please tell me you don’t have lima beans on the menu for tomorrow!”

“Oh, I didn’t tell you? Tomorrow is steamed tofu, edamame and brown rice.”

“I think you’re trying to kill me woman!” 

\---

After everything is cleaned up, they make their way to her couch. Scully, braces her hands against her lower back in an attempt to redistribute some of the weight. Her rounded stomach juts out, and Mulder is still not accustomed to her new more voluptuous figure. Mulder feels some regret at having missed the first 2/3rds of her pregnancy. Because even if he is not the father of this baby, Scully is still his closest and dearest friend, and that means something to him. Scully steadies herself on the armrest as she attempts to ease herself down to the couch. Instinctively Mulder’s hand goes to her the small of her back, in an effort to help her balance. But he doesn’t know if this is the right move. Scully is independent, and he wonders if she will balk at his chivalry. But Scully holds onto his arm as they fall into the couch in tandem. 

They sit for a moment in each other’s company. Mulder has so much on his mind, that he is unsure of where to even begin. Does he go all the way back to the beginning? He shivers as he thinks about how helpless he was just before the ship sucked him into it’s forcefield. 

“I think I am ready to talk, Scully,” he says softly. 

“Well, I am ready to listen.”

All at once it spills out of him, his time of the ship, the torture and the tests. Scully sits patiently and really listens to his story. As he watches her, he can see his own pain in her face. Scully is trying her hardest to be strong, but eventually her eyes well up with tears.

“When you were taken…. I had these dreams about you. Somehow, I just knew you were alive, it was so strange. But it gave me hope that I could find you.” 

“I felt it too, Scully. I knew you were out there, but I couldn't get to you… it was worse than torture.” There is a painful edge to his voice. Scully takes his hands in hers. 

“What you must have gone through…” she breathes. Mulder hears the empathy in her voice. And it’s true, if anyone understands the trauma of his abduction. It’s Scully. And in some ways he knows how she feels too. His heart constricts when he thinks of her abduction. It was a dark time for him, he remembers feeling hopeless. But Scully is stronger than he is, and he has always been amazed by her fortitude. But she has been through so much since he was taken. Mulder was dead and buried, but now he is alive again. That alone is supposed to be impossible. Another impossibility: Scully is having a baby.

“Mulder, I can’t explain any of this,” she says as she cradles her stomach. “And it’s this uncertainty that really scares me.” She finally admits to her fears about the nature of her pregnancy.

“I’m scared too.” Mulder takes her hand and puts it over his heart, trying to steady his breath, despite the whirlwind of his emotions. “But no matter what the outcome, I’m here, Scully.”

He tentatively puts a hand on her belly, and she covers it with her own. Scully is filled with life. He feels the baby shift under his hand. It feels almost strange to see her like this. He notices how her heavy belly protrudes from her tiny frame, how her breasts are rounder, fuller now. In evolution, the abundance of the female form provides evidence of the father’s virility. It’s a signal to other males, a primitive way to claim what’s yours. Mulder can’t help but feel a sense of pride when he looks at Scully, but it’s confusing. Is his protective instinct paternal, or born out of his affection for this child’s mother?

Mulder doesn’t know how to feel about the baby. There is the overwhelming sense of amazement at how this baby came to be, but also a sense of dread. And the more he thinks about it, the more confused he gets. Pregnancy was supposed to be impossible. The IVF attempts failed, and Scully had given up on the idea. And now, any number of scenarios seem possible, some of them terrifying, others miraculous. Could the baby be the result of a larger nefarious plot in which female abductees are forced to carry and give birth to alien human hybrids. But there is another possibility; somehow last April they made a baby.

For most of his adult life Mulder never even considered being a father. He had always been so consumed by his quest that the thought almost never occurred to him. When Scully asked him to donate, he was flattered. It was nice to know that she wanted to have his child. Mulder knew he was a good looking guy, and so that part didn’t make him uncomfortable. In some ways he thought Scully simply saw it as merely an exchange of genetic material. 

At the time, he worried about the effect her pregnancy might have on their work. But Scully had already had so much taken away from her, he couldn’t be the one to deny her the hope of having children. It was not long after the final failed IVF attempt, that their relationship moved to the next level. Making love to Scully was an experience like no other. But the longer that they made love, he found himself wanting some semblance of a normal life for Scully. He wanted a baby, because she wanted a baby. Actual fatherhood seemed like a far-fetched notion. He figured that if pregnancy ever happened, they would have plenty of time to figure it out. 

Famous last words; _we have plenty of time for figure it out._ Ha.

\---

_Mulder’s apartment_

_Hegel Place_

_Third Day Home_

Terrified at the prospect of Tofu and edamame, Mulder decides to take matters into his own hands. He has been craving a hot, juicy burger and fries for days. Afterall, he had just spent the last few months in a grave, can’t a guy live a little? On the way to Scully’s apartment, he stops by a _Five Guys_ burger joint and orders two double decker bacon cheeseburgers with the works, and a large french fry with cajun seasoning. He figures that if Scully doesn’t want a greasy burger, he will probably just eat hers. The mouthwatering smell of fried food fills his car, and he can’t help but snag a few of fries from the top of the bag. As he carries the food to her door, he has to physically will himself not to eat the entire bag of greasy food. Mulder knocks before he uses his key.

“Just a minute,” Scully calls from inside. When she opens the door, she is just tying her robe above her rounded belly. Mulder is astounded at how beautiful she looks, he wasn’t expecting it.

“Oh, hey, I know you said tofu and edamame, but I figured maybe a little change might be nice?” He looks at her expectantly while holding out the greasy contraband. Scully puts her hands on her hips, and raises an eyebrow. Mulder is ready for her to really dress him down.

“Oh, thank God!” Scully exclaims as she snatches the bag from his hands. Relief washes over him, and Mulder has the distinct impression that things are finally getting back to normal. “I think you read my mind.” Scully grins up at him as she makes her way to the couch. 

“I was sure you were going to give me hell for this.” Mulder flops next to her, as she hungrily digs into her burger. Mulder watches her sigh as her eyes slide closed in pleasure. 

“Technically I should, but it’s just too damn delicious,” Scully says her cheeks puffed out adorably with a mouthful of food. “Is that a milkshake?” Scully says excitedly as she points at the carrier on the table.

“Yep, and I got you vanilla of course.” Mulder hands her the styrofoam cup. “Because you’re lame,” he deadpans. “Clearly, chocolate is where it’s at.” 

“Vanilla is the most classic of all the flavors, and therefore decidedly not lame.” Scully sips her creamy dessert with a look of ecstasy on her face. “I have just officially debunked your theory, so what are you going to do about it?” A warm feeling of affection washes over him, it’s the first time that he has really felt at home since he got back from the hospital. Even though his belly is still empty, his heart feels full. 

“This.” Mulder grabs her burger from her hands and takes a huge bite

“Hey! That’s mine!” She squeals, and swats his hand. “Get your own!”

“I don’t want my own, I want yours!” He chuckles, and snatches a french fry out of her fingers with his mouth. Scully is giggling radiantly beside him, and the sound is like tinkling bells. God, how he missed her.

“Oh! You are going to get it!” Scully exclaims through peals of laughter. Mulder has her smooshed into the corner of the couch, as she fiercely defends her food. Their eyes lock, and there is moment of comfortably charged silence between them. He finds himself wanting to kiss her, meaty greasy mouth and all. And so he does, softly pressing his lips against hers. 

But then his stomach rumbles so loudly that he is sure Scully can hear it.

“Just finish your burger,” she grins. 

After dinner, they sit on the couch feeling the heaviness that only fast food can provide. Scully snuggles close to him, and he puts his arm around her. A comfortable silence washes over them. This is the first time that he has felt at home since he got back from the hospital.

“Thanks for dinner,” Scully breathes.

“You’re quite welcome. I finally got that heart-attack inducing meal that I was craving.” 

“It was perfect.” She kisses his cheek, then his nose.

“Good...” he whispers looking into her eyes. “You should kiss me.”

“I should?”

“Yes… you should.” And so finally she does. At first it’s soft, maybe a little awkward. His nose bumps against her cheek, and she sighs into his mouth. Their lips move against each other, and it seems as though they are getting back their rhythm. Finally, Scully’s velvet tongue slips into his mouth, and he strokes it with his own. The passion between them begins to build. For the first time since his return, Mulder begins to feel the pleasurable pricks and pings of arousal.

Scully carefully lifts the hem of his gray t-shirt, and caresses the muscles just above his waistband. He quickly pulls his shirt over his head, anxious to see where this familiar dance might lead. He looks down to see the fading ropey scar that spans down the center of his chest. When Scully gently places her hand on his sternum, he jumps back, as if her touch burned. Again, Mulder feels like a stranger in his own body. 

His throat closes up, his body doubles over. He can’t breathe. All the sudden he is on the ship again, he hears the saw whirring with it’s high pitched unearthly squeal. Mulder feels his chest being cracked open, as his wrists strain against his restraints. Then he sees the warm blood red and trickling down. Screaming and screaming until his voice gave out. He feels the loss of control over his body, of his very person.

“Mulder…” Scully starts, looking as though his pain has radiated through his body into hers. He was experimented on, defiled and broken. Mulder falls to his knees, the memory of it becoming real. 

“Scully, Scu-lly, Scu-lly!” he calls. Because all the sudden he can't see her, can't touch her. The sensation of every crude blade that touched his skin. The blurred faces of his tormentors. Every endless day on that godforsaken ship. And to think once he almost wanted to be abducted, if only to prove that it was real. How foolish he was. 

“Mulder, it's me, I'm here, ” she says desperately. 

So Mulder cries. Hot angry tears and sobs wracking his body. The two of them are so intertwined that any pain he feels she does too. It's at once a blessing and a curse. 

“It's okay, it's okay,” Scully attempts to soothe him, by gently stroking his hair. Kissing his forehead. “You're home now, Mulder.” His head falls gently against her stomach, filled with life.

“I feel like I don’t have a home, it’s like I’m a stranger in my own life.” Mulder’s voice is pained, his throat raw. “I don’t belong anywhere, Scully.” She strokes his hair to soothe him. 

“Your place is here,” Scully says her voice tight with emotion. Mulder sits up to look into her eyes. She now puts his hands over her heart. “You belong with me.”

\---

_Scully’s apartment_

_Georgetown_

_Day 4 Home_

Mulder wakes to the the sunlight beaming brightly through the wooden shades in Scully’s bedroom. The morning makes him feel new and different, like there is hope in the darkness.The light filters through the glass catching Scully’s hair, making it glow. His hand goes to her luminescent copper strands. Maybe he can catch some of her light, make it his own. He strokes her cheek, and her eyes slide open. 

“I like your hair long,” he says. He slides his fingers over her scalp, feeling her silken tresses.

“You do?” Scully asks, stifling a yawn. Mulder nods. Truthfully he likes her hair anyway she wears it. He can’t help but notice how maternal she looks, how soft and beautiful. She is the essence of femininity, but stronger than ever. It makes his heart beat faster. They are just looking at each other now. Basking in the light that glows between them. 

And it's not as though all the pain is gone. But Mulder feels a sense of healing being by her side again. It's just like her to come in and suture all his wounds, care for him in a way no one else ever has. She smiles at him, a rare occurrence. Her eyes are like the water surrounding a ocean island, warm, green and blue. She kisses his cheek, then his nose. It's sweet, she feels good in his arms. 

“You're so pretty,“ he says, really gazing at her. She blushes and looks down, her beauty is ethereal now. It makes him feel things.

“Well, I don't feel that way right now.” Scully heaves herself out of bed to make her way to the bathroom. “I feel huge.” Mulder tsks as he follows behind her. 

“Definitely not, tiny,” he winks, and she goodnaturedly swats him with a towel. When they are finished, he stands behind Scully and circles his arms around her. “I just hope these boobs don't go away when the baby comes,” he whispers in her ear.

“Mul-der-rr!” She admonishes him in that same tone of voice she used when they were playing Rob and Laura Petrie. Scully turns to face him, so that she is now in his arms. “Actually, they will probably get bigger.” Mulder's eyes go wide. “You know, because of breastfeeding.” 

“That is excellent news,” Mulder says kissing her jaw, and then that place behind her ear. The closer he gets to her, the more aroused he feels. “Not that there was anything wrong with them before, of course.”

“Nice save,” she says dryly. 

“Besides...” His finger traces a soft line from her collarbone down to her sternum. “You're going to be such a hot mom, Scully.” He now kisses down the same line he just drew. 

“Come on, cut it out,” she says in mock disapproval. But her sly grin tells Mulder that he is actually getting somewhere. 

“What?” His eyebrows go up. “You are.” Kiss. “So hot,” Kiss. Scully chuckles as she breaks away from him, and returns to the bedroom. Mulder again follows behind her, because he knows that all this banter may end in sex, if he plays his cards right.

“Well,” Scully says discarding her robe. He watches as her silky pajama bottoms slide down her legs into a pool on the floor. “It seems to me you're just trying to get laid.” She sits on the bed facing towards him. Mulder feels himself harden as she spreads her legs to reveal that she is in fact not wearing any panties. “Am I correct in my assumption?” 

“Is it that obvious?” Mulder gulps. She shrugs and spreads her legs a little further. Not one to waste a golden opportunity when it presents itself, Mulder quickly shucks off his T-shirt and sweatpants. Scully chuckles at him as he bounds across the room to join her on the bed.“So does this mean that it’s working then?” 

“Don't push your luck,” Scully husks in his ear. Pulling his head down to meet hers, she engulfs his mouth in a fiery kiss. Mulder responds, matching her passion with his own. Opening his mouth, with she strokes her tongue across his bottom lip. She rakes her fingernails through his scalp and over his back, sending pleasurable shivers over his skin. Mulder feels himself harden even further, as she tugs his bottom lip between her teeth. It feels good to know that Scully is as interested in his pleasure as he is in hers. But he still feels the need to be cautious and careful with her.

“Is this okay?” She gasps as he touches her swollen nipples lightly. Mulder quickly pulls his hand back, needing to make sure that he is doing all the right things. 

“Yes, but I’m very sensitive, so just go easy.” Scully takes his hand and places it on her breast. “Like this,” she says moving his fingers in a feather-light caress across her nipples. 

“Okay,” he looks down nervously “I've never done this before.” Mulder tentatively continues touching her softly.

“What, sex?” she raises an eyebrow teasingly. Mulder chuckles at this, because he missed her playful ribbing. 

“Ha ha, I meant doing the naked pretzel with a pregnant woman.” He kisses the back of her hand, then the inside of her palm. 

“Oh, well me either. So I guess you're in good company.” Scully grins at him, and cups his cheek in her hand. Mulder leans in to kiss her jaw, then her earlobe. She hums appreciatively.

“I feel like there is more to the story there,” he whispers sensually into her ear. Now she leans in close, as if she has a very sexy secret to tell him. Mulder is intrigued, and he waits with bated breath.

“Perhaps,” she pauses to blow a cool stream of air into his ear, sending shivers across his skin. “But we don't talk about our personal lives,” Scully whispers back with a teasing gleam in her eyes. “So I guess you'll never know,” Mulder’s jaw drops, and he feels himself becoming more aroused. His imagination kicks into high gear, as his brain flashes through a catalog of possible scenarios involving Scully and her college librarian, or her lab partner, maybe even her room mate.

“Oh, so many secrets.” Mulder begins kissing a trail from her jaw down to her sternum. “You know how I feel about secrets.” He pauses and licks her nipple through her silky pajama top, leaving a wet mark. Scully gasps, and he continues this action on the other side. “They really get my juices flowing.” 

“Well, now we're getting somewhere.” Scully reaches down and confidently takes his turgid cock in her hand, stroking him through his boxers. He moans and kisses her, careful not to put his weight on her rounded belly.

Propping himself up on his hands, Mulder makes his way down over her belly. She sighs as he kisses her protruding belly button. Mulder notices some stretch marks just below her navel that weren’t there before. He runs his tongue in her thigh crease, remembering that she used to like when he did that. Once he reaches her cunt, swollen with life and arousal, he looks up at her. There is a part of Mulder that still feels a bit unsure on how he should proceed, especially in light of Scully’s new body. 

“Do you still like this?” He nips at her inner thighs, and she whimpers under his touch. 

“Yes… but you don’t have to,” her voice catches on the ‘t’. Mulder sits on his knees, so that he can see her face. 

“I know, but I like making you feel good,” he softly reassures her. “It makes me feel good too.” Scully’s lip trembles as she nods her answer. 

“It’s been so long I think I forgot how to do this. You might have to walk me through it,” he smirks. “Do you use my tongue down here or something?” he asks lightly stroking her reddened labia. Scully tsks at him. But then she strokes the back of his head, effectively encouraging him on.

With two fingers he spreads her open, admiring her plump pussy. Scully’s breath hitches in anticipation. Finally, his tongue snakes out to just barely graze over her clit, and she jumps. Anxious to pleasure her, he feels his cock twitch in his boxers. His tongue whispers over her clit a second time, and then a third. Much to his surprise her sex begins to quiver under his tongue. He feels her pulse, as her body heavily arches off of the bed.

“Mulder!” She calls out as her body shatters in an unexpected orgasm. Mulder moans against her cunt, clearly enjoying the pleasure he is giving her. Mulder loves the way that pregnancy has made her body extra sensitive. His mouth stays on her, riding out her orgasm with her. When he feels her begin to still, he gently sucks her swollen clit into his mouth. “Oh,God!” Scully lets out a shuddering gasp, and before he knows what’s happening she is pulsing under his tongue once again. Now he remembers why he always liked going down on her. He feels a smug sense of self-satisfaction at having made her come twice within the span of a few moments. He wishes he could pat himself on the back, but he is still too busy enjoying the taste of her. Mulder swirls his tongue around her opening, drinking in her arousal. 

“Come here,” she pats him on the head. “I want to see your face,” she breathes. Scully tugs on his arms, attempting to get them closer to each other. She kisses him languidly now, slowly sliding her cool tongue inside his mouth (which is still hot from pleasuring her). He allows himself to really enjoy kissing her, taking in every sensation. Scully breaks the kiss to look into her eyes.

“I want to touch you,” her hands trail tenderly over his shoulders, and down his arms. “Show me how,” she whispers. Her touch still has a profound effect on him, it’s as if she could heal him with her hands. Mulder is overcome by her thoughtfulness and affection, it would make him love her more (if that were even possible).

“Just like you’re doing now,” he takes her hand and moves it to stroke the muscles just above his waistband. Scully keeps her eyes on his, watching his face for signs of distress. She hooks her fingers into the elastic of his boxers, and slowly slides them down his legs. Once Mulder is naked she touches him tenderly, almost with reverence. He guides her hand, and they softly stroke his length together. His eyes never leave hers.

Their mouths meet again, and their passion for each other builds quickly. She tries to pull him on top of her, but it becomes difficult due to her swollen belly. Scully lets out a frustrated groan, struggling to shift her body weight. He helps to roll her onto her side so that they can face each other. They look into each other’s faces, and Mulder is amazed by the mix of passion and warmth in Scully’s sapphire eyes. He sighs and touches their foreheads together. 

“How… how do you want to do this?” he asks. Scully strokes his cheek, and kisses his swollen mouth.

“If you lay behind me, that might be the easiest way.” Mulder does as instructed, wrapping his arms around her. The feeling of her skin against his is at once arousing and comforting. 

“Okay… like this?” He asks kissing her neck and her shoulder.

“Yes, but I wish I could see you.” Scully says regretfully, craning her neck around to kiss him.

“You can,” he points to her vanity mirror. “Look at us.” He says placing his cheek against hers. They look together, and Scully smiles at their reflection. Mulder's hands are on her belly now, stroking over her silky white pajama top. Mulder is astounded at the life he feels moving under his fingers. His heart fills at the overwhelming wonderment of the life growing inside of her. He is amazed to feel that sense of pride at his virility, at the miracle he hopes they created together. “You ready?” he asks softly. 

“Yes, so ready,” she says grinding her bottom into his erection. Scully reaches back to position him at her entrance, and he gently pushes just the head of his cock inside of her. Scully sucks in a breath, and Mulder is worried that he might be doing something wrong.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly. 

“Yes, it’s just been a while, but it’s good,” Scully assures him. “You can keep going,” Mulder continues to glide into her, and it feels even better than he remembered. They both moan as he is finally fully sheathed in her loving cunt. Mulder feels a plethora of emotions swirling inside of him: pain, comfort, loss and love. Finally landing on the feeling of connection and safety that he knows they both have longed for. 

Their eyes meet in the mirror, a reunion. And at long last they both feel a sense of wholeness, of being complete. Because while they are both fully realized individuals separately, they are always better together. One unit, one consciousness living in two different bodies. 

Mulder's strokes are tentative and shallow at first, because he knows he needs to hold back for Scully’s sake.

“I want to feel you,” she breathes as she grinds her hips against him in encouragement. So he allows his strokes to become stronger and deeper. Scully reaches behind her to caress his testicles in her tiny hand. Mulder whimpers at the sensation of being inside of her, while she strokes his balls.

They have never made love in quite this way, and he is overcome by his love for this woman. Their eyes lock in the mirror, and he feels his orgasm begin to build slowly. Her walls cradle him lovingly, as he finally lets go. Mulder groans as he fills her with his life, with the very essence of himself. 

In the mirror he watches Scully cry and smile at the same time. And he wraps his arms tightly around her, as his cock stills within her. He finds himself wanting to stay like this for as long as possible. Scully kisses his hands, and rolls over to face him once again. Her eyes shine with the truth that he has long searched for. Their foreheads touch, as she strokes his cheek. Mulder is overcome with love and affection. 

And deep within his heart springs forth another truth: no matter what, they will always find their way back to each other.


End file.
